Tales of Fnorbert.
Those of you who have never heard of Fnorbert might be wondering what
kind of deity Fnorbert is. The answer is, Fnorbert is the all-powerful,
all-knowing deity that created the entire universe for the sole purpose
of Morris Dancing. Those who learn, practice and promote Morris Dancing
are fulfilling the Great Plan of Fnorbert. Those who fail to promote Morris
Dancing are the fallen of Fnorbert, and are failing to fulfil Fnorbert's
plan for their lives. Those who oppose Morris Dancing are the Anti-Fnorberts,
and they had better watch out.
Fnorbert is also defined as the ultimate source of all morality. (If something
is not the ultimate source of all morality, then that thing is not Fnorbert.)
Fnorbertian morality is defined entirely in terms of paper hats. Anything
done while wearing a paper hat is morally wrong. Anything done while not wearing
a paper hat is morally permissible. Anything done while destroying a paper
hat is morally admirable. Anyone who destroys over ten thousand paper hats
is considered a moral saint by Fnorbertian morality. (Although Fnorbert defines
morality (by definition), he doesn't like it much, and so refuses to provide
moral guidance to his followers. Let 'em figure that stuff out for themselves,
he says.)
Fnorbert does not reward or punish people for following his plan, or for
being morally good or bad. He's got other things to do, and anyway, you should
do the right thing because it's the right thing, not because you expect
to get paid! Sheeesh!
Fnorbert is also defined as existing, so Fnorbert exists by definition.
(According to Fnorbertists. Worshipers of Eki-Eki-Eki-Fatang-Fatang are instructed
by their god to laugh themselves silly at this argument.)
Fnorbert also gives meaning to life, the universe, and everything.
For instance, the meaning of life is "Tuesday," while the meaning of the
universe is "chocolate chip." Fnorbert also says that the meaning of everything
is "everything," but claims that that's just a coincidence. He wasn't running
out of ideas, no, not him. He's got plenty of ideas! You betcha!
There are lots of stories about Fnorbert, but I can't remember any of them
right now.
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