A. Drinking bottled water causes mopery. A recent study has shown that people who drink bottled water are four times as likely to mope around as people who don't drink bottled water.

B. The bottled water study did not include an explanation of how bottled water can cause mopery, so the study doesn't prove that drinking bottled water causes mopery.

C. It is common knowledge that herbal tea makes people taller. Ask your friends and neighbors, and every one of them will tell you that drinking herbal tea is an effective way of increasing your height.

D. You should not listen to Professor Mo Zart when he tells you that classical music does not cause white-collar crime. Obviously, the well-documented fact that he has numerous convictions for drunk driving means that we cannot rely on what he is saying.

E. Recognized expert on height extension, Dr. Herb L. S. Ence says that herbal tea makes people taller. But but every prediction that he's ever made about height extension has turned out to be false, so we don't have to believe him this time.

F. Herbal tea doesn't make people taller. Plenty of people in the herbal tea study drank herbal tea for years without getting any taller, so it doesn't prove anything.

G. Famed Sociomusicologist Professor Mo Zart asserts that listening to classical music cannot possibly cause people to become white-collar criminals, so classical music listening does not cause white-collar crime.

H. Professor Mo Zart cannot be trusted on the issue of classical music and white-collar crime because he is just worried that people will stop listening to classical music.

I. Dr. Herb L. S. Ence has had widely publicized series of affairs with mid-level government bureaucrats, so he.cannot be trusted on the issue of herbal tea and height extension

J. Dr. Herb L. S. Ence is only an expert on extending the height of skyscrapers and other tall buildings, not people, so he cannot be trusted when he says that herbal tea makes people taller

K. Classical music doesn't make people into white-collar criminals. Plenty of people in the classical music study did not listen to any classical music but still became white-collar criminals.

L. The classical music study totally fails to prove that classical music causes white-collar crime because nowhere in that study do they even begin to explain how listening to classical music goes about causing white-collar crime.

M. Of course bottled water does not cause mopery! Everyone knows that the drinking of bottled water has nothing whatsoever to do with whether or not people mope around.

N. You should not listen to Dr. Herb L. S. Ence when he tells you that herbal tea makes people taller. Obviously, he must have money in the herbal tea industry, and that's why he's saying it.

O. The classical music study also showed that there's plenty of people who listen to classical music without becoming criminals, so the study doesn't prove that classical music causes white-collar crime.

P. The bottled water study also showed that there's plenty of people who mope around without ever touching bottled water, so the study doesn't prove that drinking bottled water causes mopery.

Q. You should not listen to Professor Mo Zart when he tells you that classical music does not cause white-collar crime. Obviously, the well-documented fact that absolutely all of his expertise concerns the relationship between punk rock music and safety pins sales means that we cannot rely on what he is saying here.

R. You can still believe that classical music causes crime. Professor Mo Zart, who says it doesn't, has a long history of being wrong about this kind of thing.

S. A major recent study just compared two demographically identical groups, one of which listened to classical music a lot, and the other didn't listen to classical music at all. The classical music listeners turned out to have a much higher percentage of white-collar criminals than the non listeners, so listening to classical music causes white-collar crime.

T. You must believe that herbal tea makes people taller. Dr. Herb L. S. Ence says it does, and he's a recognized expert on height extension.